Emotions create an environment in our minds that affect how we decide.
Quality decisions are made from a mindset that is neutral and functioning in a way that is able to have a relaxed and open perspective.
Or in other words, a mental environment that is experiencing such emotions as;
✅ Generosity etc
Obviously this is what we want!
Yet operating in a position of leadership demands constant exposure to all kinds of external stimuli and these can (and do) trigger habitual emotional responses - many of which are unhelpful.
Being triggered knocks us out of a quality-decision-making mindset just as fast as that mega croissant with jam will knock you out of ketosis! 🥐🥐🥐🥐
Before we know it we’re in a state of some degree of;
😐 Unlucky etc etc etc
Yet it’s your powerful adult self who decides whether to eat that croissant or not.
Unfortunately our powerful, adult selves do not choose our triggers or whether shit blows up internally if something puts pressure on an emotional landmine 🤯
Our habitual, automated emotional responses are in the hands of a frightened and irrational child under the age of 7 who is yet to develop the power of reason.
And a lot of the time this is who is making decisions on our behalf. Even if we’re managing to suppress how our emotions are manifesting externally.
What does this mean?
Firstly, let’s not berate ourselves when we over-react emotionally to a situation.
We don’t go hating on a 2 year old who suddenly finds himself alone and unsafe do we?
Of course not!
Yet I see clients beating themselves up terribly for momentary lapses of reason that they had very little control over at the time.
The frightened child needs love, compassion and patience from our adult selves and this is the appropriate initial response.
There is also an appropriate secondary response;
And then taking responsibility.
These days it is entirely possible to integrate our younger selves into our main personality so that we can more readily operate from a neutral and good-feeling emotional state.
A state far less prone to emotional hijack and far more conducive to making excellent decisions.
As a leader it’s our responsibility to ourselves, our families, our businesses and clients to take integrative measures.
And just like that croissant, it’s up to us to decide if we go there or not.
Are you ready to start a conversation around the emotional triggers causing havoc in your own experience?
Send me a message in facebook and let's chat.
I’m in the middle of a miscarriage. It’s day 3. It feels like a good time to write. On Monday I go to the hospital to take a tablet which allows ‘the tissue’ to pass. I have no idea what that will be like. I will face it. And today I am at peace.
On Thursday, my beautiful midwife could not detect a heartbeat from the little surprise munchkin that had rapidly been developing within my pelvis. A few hours later I was looking at the lifeless form of a tiny human on the ultrasound screen as the sonographer expressed her condolences.
I cancelled all my appointments for the next few days and went home to cry.
My heart was disintegrating...desiccating. But I knew it had to.
I knew it could take it. I am human and this is how I am designed.
I knew this was the process that would allow the heartache to transform and renew. And that I would be transformed and renewed. And that it would be beautiful. Because it always is...if you will be brave enough to face yourself in the darkest moments.
So I let it be. I surrendered...to it all.
Whatever needed to come out I would let out.
I let myself feel guilty..until I didn’t feel guilty anymore.
I welcomed the feelings that I’d let my family down….until I knew I hadn’t.
I let myself blame people I didn’t like or who didn’t like me. Until I knew I didn’t really mean it.
I let myself be victimy. I let myself curse this country that is not my home.
I let myself remember the hardship of the past 7 years.
I let myself be the martyr.
I let myself be homesick.
I let myself mourn for the absence of any further children as there would be none.
I knew this was what true strength is….that letting ourselves be weak when we need to be weak leaves us stronger. I knew these things were not being taken on permanently but would pass through my body just as my tiny bubba will. I trusted what would remain would be new aspects of who I am and they would be made of peace and love.
I knew this was transformation and that transformation is often horrible...but always worth it.
I let myself share the sad news among the inner circle who already were privy to our secret delight. I let their love in and I was grateful. We were a fortnight away from making our surprise pregnancy public.
One of my private clients asked me if I had any special mindset tricks or hacks that could help. I told him crying is good. It is. It’s always been my superpower.
I also let myself be grateful for this experience. I let myself be grateful for the little soul I would have to wait to meet. I thanked him for coming and then for going. Knowing he’s not really gone anywhere. I think it was another boy. I trust that this is the way it needs to be.
I found myself grateful for the children on this side and their kindness and remembering what chocolate I like (even though I rarely eat chocolate).
I was touched and grateful for the beautiful flowers.
I found myself curious and grateful for the lessons which are coming.
Even so, I still found myself awake at 3am, unable to sleep.
And so I allowed myself to daydream, and open my mind up to possibilities of a future I’d love to experience. And it was healing and integrating.
Now mine is not a unique experience. It’s a sorrow that many women know but not many share. I have known lesser sorrows and I will know greater... as will you.
So here I am sharing a moment..we need to do this more.
I’m sending love to you if this is an experience we share. I hope I’m also sending permission to be brave and to allow your heart to break....because it is not weakness and it can mend.
An interesting part of all of this was that although I am very much at terms with what has happened, as I was driving this morning and as my thoughts rolled back to Thursday...I cried again.
“Huh...What was that about, Helen?” (Because I really felt at peace with what is.)
I realised it was in compassion and empathy for my Thursday self..and that was a beautiful discovery.
To be continued.
Great coaches just want to help people. Great clients just want to be helped and are ready to do the work. It should be a match made in heaven. So why is it so hard for good, ethical coaches to find paying clients and for clients of online programs to get the results they wanted?
In my experience most coaches are taught to go looking for clients who can already put down $3-$10K on a group program and not to waste their time and skills on those without such financial capability? The premise being that if you don't have $10K expendable income then you're somehow defective?
Often the coach finds someone already crushing it and takes a nice piece of the credit when they crush a little harder with their help. Which is a great win-win don't get me wrong. But this isn't the only demographic who can benefit from what coaches can give.
On the flip-side, it's so easy for coaches to blame clients for lack of results or lack of engagement (and therefor lack of results). This is something that I see happening in the industry a lot right now. (Of course there are some awesome providers out there providing an incredible service but many aren't and they don't seem to care a whole lot).
So when the coach is not taking a generous portion of accountability for client outcomes, he/or she doesn't question why or how they can do better next time (let alone apologise for not being able to help). So long as they're good enough marketers and salespeople to sell enough people into their programs to "prove" that their system works...then they're set.
Yet so many caring, good-hearted coaches just want to coach and to be making a real difference in people's lives. Not be a marketer, not be a tech geek, not be a ballsy salesperson...and they're up against the people who are all these things. It's sad.
For the past year I've been mulling over this ridiculous situation and have been neck-deep designing and testing a solution around how coaching is delivered. A model that puts client results at the very forefront and coaches very much on notice for the results they deliver.
So that's why I've been quiet here for the past 10 months....however all that is about to change!
Listen to this latest episode of the We Are Unlimited Podcast to hear how myself and a bunch of other caring and ethical coaches are re-inventing how coaching is sold and delivered.
P.S If you're a Mumpreneur. Don't forget to grab your free mindset gift here . And come and join our free success coaching facebook community
'League Of Champions' here.
“Making money is simply too hard for mumpreneurs."
You may think this.
Yet it’s not necessarily true...just something that you believe based on things you’ve learned in your life so far. And if you believe something...it’s buried deep in your subconscious. A place traditionally hard to access to make lasting change.
But here’s the good news. There’s a new method of subconscious reprogramming making big waves in the coaching world. It’s called MAP and stands for Manifesting All Possibilities. I love to use it to help Mumpreneurs change beliefs such as this and other deep success blocks.
Eh? Wait? Back up a minute!! Subconscious reprogramming? You mean like a computer?
Well in a way, yes, just like that.
You see all humans think and behave according to ‘programs’ (beliefs, traits, tendencies, ways of being) that are generally acquired by the age of 7 years old. Most of this information is ‘downloaded’ from our parents or primary care-givers…. who also downloaded theirs by the age of 7...from someone who downloaded theirs by the age of 7..and so on and so forth.
Do you see glaringly obvious problem here?
We’ve all learned how to think and behave as very young children!!
The important word here is “learned”.
We learn through remembering. If you are bitten by a dog when you are small, the next time you encounter a dog, you will remember the previous experience and modify your behaviour accordingly - which changes your experience of this second encounter. This time you may scream, which frightens the dog, who reacts negatively and reinforces the new, growing belief/learning that “dogs are bad”.
Clearly this is a belief that simply is not true...but to the person who has the belief it seems very true indeed and they’ve learned this via multiple experiences.
What are some beliefs that seem really true for you? Maybe “making money is hard” or “I’m not smart enough to be successful”....the list is endless.
Now the thing about beliefs is that our brains need to maintain a sense of order about the world that we live in. So if we have a belief (like “dogs are bad” or “making money is hard”)..we will continue to notice and create examples of dogs being bad or making money being hard. And the more of these memories that we stack on top of each other...the more ingrained in our subconscious these programs or 'paradigms' become.
“Making money is too hard for Mumpreneurs” is a perfect example of a subconscious block. For as long as you believe this is true, you will continue to experience this reality.
MAP practitioners overcome subconscious blocks by training the brain to find and neutralize negative unconscious memories. Yes, the brain literally reprograms itself!
Here’s the science;
The MAP method leverages a little known yet revolutionary discovery in neuroscience that is called the Window of Re-consolidation. Scholarly articles referencing the window of re-consolidation started appearing around 2012 but this exciting knowledge is really only just starting to trickle into main-stream psychology and psychotherapy.
The window of re-consolidation allows the brain to neutralize negative memories within seconds - you can simply unlearn any unwanted memories, traumas, beliefs, negative emotions etc. There is no hypnosis, tapping, visualisations, or even talking necessary. I’ve heard some people in success circles even refer to it as the next big thing since NLP….
Does MAP differ from NLP and other cool methods on the personal development scene?
In short, yes.
NLP: You are not asked to follow instructions, visualize or
imagine anything or take any actions to get the results. A command is given
to your subconscious mind and you simply relax and observe the changes.
This means that young children or people with cognitive limitations can benefit from
Hypnosis: There is no hypnotic state inducement. You stay totally awake and aware and you are in control of the entire session. The MAP practitioner is working in alignment
with an inner wisdom that comes from you.There is no insertion of any kind.
Also, the practitioner's role is not to influence the healing one way or another, they are more a facilitator, unleashing the brain’s ability to rewire and upgrade itself.
Family Constellations and Bio Decoding: We can address family history. We are able to find within seconds the origin of a pattern several generations back, and clear it totally from the generational tree.
EMDR: While EMDR is focused more specifically on trauma and often brings strong
emotional reactions, MAP is usually very gentle. An emotion might last 3-5
minutes but is followed by a great sense of peace.
CBT: Contrary to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, you don’t have to be actively
participating and making conscious choices as we know that the
unconscious mind is exponentially faster than the conscious mind. Also, using will is a thing
the practitioner has no ability to control.
Unlike most methods, MAP can be even be used by you “incognito”.
You can learn to give yourself sessions and this can be done anytime, anywhere.
Clearly there are obvious gains to be achieved through MAP for people suffering deep, emotional, recurring symptoms but high performing entrepreneurs and athletes are now taking advantage of this method too. Not necessarily to heal but to super-charge the coaching they are already receiving and to highly optimize their mindset for success.
My friend and colleague, Ricki Brideoake, coaches elite male athletes and high performing entrepreneurs. He has this to say about his own experience with MAP;
“I can't even put into words the impact that MAP has had on me. I started training quite a while ago with the founders
and since then I have:
Started my dream business
Up-leveled my performance in all aspects of my life including
business, financial, personal, relationships and spiritual
Earned more money in a week than I used to in 2 months
I originally joined to really become a top performer and reach my
potential, which I have, but the side effects of clearing all the negative
things in my head is that I am now just a much happier, more
grounded, calm and passionate person.”
Now as I said, I love helping Mumpreneurs with MAP. Just like Ricki's high-achieving male clients, mothers in business need to have their mental performance in peak condition.
My clients are often astounded by how quickly they can re-wire their brain and change their programs. MAP Sessions can be conducted 1:1 in person, over the internet, in groups or even via pre-recorded material.
In fact, my own introduction was via a pre-recorded session back in 2016 and I vividly remember the experience….let me share it with you.
I was a struggling entrepreneur 3 years ago and a trusted mentor recommended I try (in his words) “this really interesting new mindset thing”. So I took his advice and bought an online pre-recorded program. At $600 it seemed like a hefty investment but I remember lying in bed, calmly listening to the audio and experiencing my ‘hard-wired stuff’ vapourising in minutes. Negative beliefs and fears around money from my childhood were a big issue for me...and they just disappeared. Poof!
Suffice it to say, the return on that particular investment turned out to be astronomical.
Now everybody’s first MAP experience is unique and perfect but mine was fairly typical. Like any form of coaching; the more invested the client is in their own change and the more open to possibility they are...the faster their results.
I’ve had clients come to me with really deep, emotional stuff that has been disrupting their lives for years and have most of it resolved after one session. It can almost seem somehow magical..but of course it’s not - once you understand how it works.
Other clients (especially the analytical types) can sometimes take a little longer to get these same results...and that’s ok too.
Does MAP ever not work?
In my experience it really depends on how willing a client is to allow a part of their mind which is not their ‘clever’ prefrontal cortex to do the work. If a client comes to me looking for great results, that is what I will guarantee. I’ve only had one client so far that I couldn’t help with MAP.
Conclusion. We are living in exciting times! Contemporary discoveries in neuroscience and psychology are starting to demonstrate just how powerful we really are.
P.S. Because you’ve read this far; here’s a dynamic mindset hack for you to take home.
“Making decisions from our current state of being generally leads to results similar to the ones we are already experiencing. Transformational decisions come from the transformed perspective.”
Ready to become the world class high-performer and businesswoman you imagine is your “one day” destiny?
Be that now.
Try MAP yourself: Click below to access a FREE MAP mini-course designed especially for Mumpreneurs.
P.S Did you miss the case study about one modern mum's journey from lack of confidence to successful business launch? Click here.
Being a Mother is tough. Being an entrepreneur is tough. Being married is tough.
Just ask anyone!
Combine all three and it can feel like life is almost impossible. Yet for driven, entrepreneurial Mothers...failure in any of these areas is simply not an option, the stakes are too high and so they persist despite the challenges. Progress is slow, arguments, exhaustion and overwhelm are ever-present. For the most part it’s a bloody, desperate, uphill battle that most men will never come close to experiencing.
Yet Mumpreneurs must compete in the same market as everyone else. It’s not like the Olympics, there are no concessions for a handicap in the world of business. In order to win, Mumpreneurs just need to be better. Their business model needs to be better and so does their mindset.
Hands-down, Mumpreneurs and their businesses need to be world-class, high-performance machines. And as such they need world-class training and resources. I firmly believe this.
For the successful Mumpreneur, there’s no room for self-sabotage, imposter syndrome, procrastination, doubt, negative self-talk, emotional reactivity, comparing. These are all symptoms of deep, subconscious blocks and they must be overcome in order to reach maximum human potential.
Now I’ve done a lot of personal development work in my time and in my experience MAP is the most effective method I have come across to clear subconscious blocks. It’s the reason I feel so on track and on fire in my own life and business and I’m incredibly grateful to have this available as a tool with which I can help myself and of course the people I have the honour of serving.
Want to try MAP out for free? Click here to access a very powerful mini-course that will move you instantly into a high-performance mindset.
So how does MAP really work and how can it benefit you as a Mumpreneur? You might like this article.
Let me tell you a story…..
A recent client came to me because she was tired of living with deep anxiety.
She was also about to create a startup within the primary industries sector.
Now this lady is a lovely woman and if you met her you would agree! She is caring, considerate, pleasantly dressed and always with a smile on her face. Her children are agreeable and well-liked.
BUT inside she wasn’t smiling. Not at all. For the most part she felt tiny and broken.
Due to some really tough experiences over her life she was dealing with constant anxiety and a persistent doubt in her ability to make a success of her business and life.
This entrepreneurial mum had already tried many things to help….exploring spirituality, reading personal development books, showing up to educational seminars etc. Of course these things were all valuable yet deep down she knew she was wounded and the pain kept resurfacing in all kinds of unhelpful behaviours, thoughts and feelings.
Lack of confidence was eating away at this beautiful woman’s ability to show up in the world as the person she would like herself to be. Furthermore, her business needed her to step up and family life was getting pretty shaky too. Things weren’t fun.
She decided to attend another seminar....one that I was hosting. It was on the topic of subconscious change and how to reprogram the mind for success using the revolutionary MAP methodology. It was a fun evening and we had a terrific turnout!
In this presentation I explained that (no matter how much we might wish that we aren’t the way we are) we can’t easily change our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviour without making change within our deep subconscious mind. But changing these paradigms can be labourious and slow - often involving complicated meditation practices, or lengthy, repetitive ‘conditioning’ through positive affirmations. The good news is that with MAP we are able to train the brain to reprogram itself - quickly and painlessly. Of course we included a live demonstration for our audience.
My client realised that her lack of confidence was merely a symptom of a much deeper problem….that her subconscious was running the show! She realised there was change to be made within her subconscious programs and she was relieved to know there was also an effective method to do this.
So we began working together ...
After only 2 sessions my client’s life had completely changed. She was an entirely new woman! It was as if the weight of the world had lifted from her shoulders and she felt free and happy again….to her core. Something she hadn’t felt for decades.
It was a wonderful outcome and a beautiful testament to the power of MAP.
We only need to witness miraculous turnarounds like this to see just how vital it is to make subconscious change. And how easy it can actually be.
Want to try MAP out for free? Click here to access a very powerful mini-course that will move you instantly into a high-performance mindset.
Want to know more about how MAP might help you? Check out this Blog Post.